By Jim Rhodes

In an earlier lifetime, I worked for a company whose CEO’s marketing strategy when confronting potential negative publicity was, “If you can’t fix it, feature it.” I had occasion to remember that adage recently when I read about how one company successfully averted what could have been a PR nightmare.

The company is Maersk Line, one of the world’s largest operators of containerships. In June 2012, one of its vessels, Maersk Norwich, steamed into Rotterdam with the carcass of a dead fin whale draped across its bulbous bow. The 12-meter long whale had apparently been scooped up by the ship when floating on the surface somewhere in the North Atlantic during its voyage from Santa Maria, Columbia, and the Dutch port.

The story was reported in the Dutch media, and photos of the dead whale were soon popping up on Internet news sites. 

Maersk Line has a reputation for publicity shyness in the maritime industry, and one would have expected the company’s PR department either to ignore the story in hopes that it would fade away unnoticed, or to issue a formal press statement acknowledging the incident and disclaiming responsibility.

Instead, the company decided to leverage their extensive social media audience of more than 800,000 followers on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn and other platforms to share the stories with pictures across the online community. Maersk’s Facebook site said simply and convincingly, “This image, of a noble and elegant creature, accidentally struck down by a Maersk Line vessel deeply affected us all.” The Facebook article related that there was a strong possibility the whale had been dead before it was hit by the ship and that the carcass had been sent to a zoologist in the Netherlands for study. It went on to explain in detail the measures taken by Maersk ships to avoid striking whales. The company even created a photo album page on Pinterest under the title, “In memory of the Maersk Norwich whale,” and encouraged its followers to post their favorite pictures of whales.

Jonathan Wichmann, who manages Maersk’s social media, was quoted as saying, “The story of the whale was actually the most popular in terms of the number of users who shared it."

"You get nowhere by covering up in a crisis,” said Wichmann. “Do not be afraid to let go and share the negative.  In this way you regain control."

The strategy, it seems, paid off. A Google search of the terms “Maersk Norwich" and "whale" yields almost no negative stories, but lots of links to Maersk’s Facebook and Pinterest pages. “Maersk, the Whale Killer" became "Maersk, the Whale Lover."

Note:  I am grateful to the editor of IHS Fairplay Solutions, one of the leading international maritime technical trade publications, for bringing this story to my attention with an editorial in the March issue of the magazine.

By Valerie Myers 

Reality television has taken over as the most popular genre of television programs. Reality shows now include everything from unscripted dramas to makeover experiences, everyday lives of celebrities, lifestyle-change shows, dating shows, talent competitions and more. There are currently more than 100 reality shows on broadcast and cable network channels. When I have the time, I find myself drawn to competition reality television shows, such as “The Amazing Race,” “Project Runway,” “American Idol” and “The Biggest Loser,” to name a few. I’ve recently realized the reason I enjoy these programs is because I am one of those people who actually enjoy seeing others realize a dream come true. 

Some television purist (if there even is such a thing) may view any kind of reality show as a mere spectacle of humiliation and a lower form of entertainment. But I’ve found that for all of their melodramatic escapades, over-the-top challenges and sometimes cringe-worthy moments, many competition-type reality shows could actually teach us all a thing or two about reaching your goals. I know, it may sound a bit hard to believe, but stay with me here and read on for some notable tips we’ve undoubtedly all heard before, but are exemplified every day through real-world application on competition reality TV shows:

1. Take chances/take risks
Whether a fan of reality TV or not, no one could ever accuse those contestants of making the “safe” choice. As someone who has built her life on “look before you leap,” I admire the sheer chutzpah the people on these shows display with each new challenge. Season 3 of The Amazing Race had contestants take part in the Papantla Flying Men Dance; a Mexican ceremonial dance involving a 30m-high pole, ropes and a very intriguing descent. All I’m saying is, if there’s something you can do that will bring you that much closer to a particular goal, take the chance, even if it may seem a bit scary and out of your comfort zone. And check out the video below to see what the “dance” looks like when done properly. Activity not for the faint of heart. 

    

2. Face your fears

Particularly, fear of failure or anything that has ever held you back from going after something you've always wanted; pride, shame, low self-confidence, doubt in your abilities, whatever. If a 40-something year-old, more-than-a-little-overweight woman can stand before millions of television viewers in nothing but a sports bra and spandex shorts, while having her weight prominently shown on an over-sized digital display, all in the name of achieving a healthier lifestyle, then certainly you can face your own fears  and go for it!

3. Put yourself first, but build strong alliances
Typically, most reality shows are individual competitions, yet at some point, contestants must work as part of a team. We all need to take care of ourselves first, otherwise, how can you be of help to others if you’re not OK? Take ownership of whatever responsibilities you have and always strive to put only your best work forward. At the same time, surround yourself with a strong network of friends, family and “teammates” in your endeavors. Perfect the art of balancing your individual achievements with strong team working capabilities. Bring the same work ethic and focus to your contributions to a team as you do when working alone. 

4. Acknowledge the expert
An integral part of most all competition reality shows is a panel of judges. Typically experts in their field; be it dancing, cooking or fashion, the judges provide knowledge and insight for the contestants that helps shepherd them through the competition. In the real world they may be subject matter experts, higher-ups in your industry or chosen field, parents, or savvy seniors who have seen it all and lived to tell. In life, identify mentors who can assist you on your journey. Learn from those who have been where you are – ask questions, pick their brains and take heed.    

5. Humble yourself, learn how to take criticism and apply it
The competition show judges also critique the contestants and provide constructive feedback on their performances or other type of work product they are tasked with producing. It’s the responsibility of the contestants to take in all the (sometimes conflicting) information, decide what’s most useful for them, and make adjustments where necessary for better results. When being critiqued, don’t constantly be on the defensive, even if a given task is something that you’ve never done before. Get direction, use your common sense, and ask for assistance if needed.      

6. Fiercely pursue your dream
Maybe you’re not where you want to be right now – in your career, your personal life or some other area. Even so, don’t let that stop you from achieving your goals. Take a class, do volunteer work or find other ways to surround yourself with pieces of your dream. Start a plan of action to get yourself from point A to point Mission Accomplished.   

Whether the reality show participant’s dream is to travel the world, lose weight, become the next big thing in the music or fashion industry, or if all they really want is to win a considerable cash prize, these determined contestants are proactively taking the steps to make it happen. When faced with obstacles stopping you from getting where you want to be, take a page from the competition reality show playbook and just keep at it until you succeed. And, if it still doesn’t work out, just remember, at least it’s not in front of millions of television viewers.

By Jim Rhodes

A note from the author. To set this story in context, I suggest you read my earlier posts, Hair Warrior (Sept. 2011) and Heroes of the Purple Prose (Nov. 2010). The reader may surmise I have an unhealthy fixation on the subject of marketing hair care products.

At first I didn’t recognize him. It had been several years.

When I saw him across the crowded airport lounge waving at me, I googled my brain and came up blank. I retreated into my beer and laptop in hopes he might have been waving at someone else. 

No such luck. He carried his beer over to my table and plopped himself into a chair across from me.

“You probably don’t remember me,” he said.

I sipped my beer, avoided eye contact and mumbled without conviction, “Of course I do.”

Realizing that I was not going to escape human interaction, I looked at him more closely. It came back to me in a whoosh. When we had met before in a different airport he was wearing khakis, jungle boots and a pith helmet. He had been on his way to discover exotic ingredients for his employer, a major hair care products brand. Now, two years later, he was wearing a gray business suit with an open collar shirt.

“You’re the shampoo doc,” I said.

“Yep. That’s me. Doctor Fred. The S.H.I.T. specialist. But I gave up field work. Now I’m in the marketing department.”

He passed me a business card: Dr. Alfredo J. Pompadour, Marketing Director, Shampoo Herbal Ingredient Technologies (S.H.I.T.).

“You’re in marketing too, right?”

I sipped my beer and nodded.

“Check this out.” He pulled out his iPad. “It’s our new product. A cure for male-pattern baldness. It’s my finest discovery. The main ingredient is coconut oil from a rare exotic palm I stumbled across on my last trip to Borneo. I blended it in the lab with a certain seaweed I found floating in a tidal pool on the coast of Tasmania and amino extract milked from Japanese silk worms. We’ll eventually make it into an oral pill, but right now it’s only offered in suppository form. Laboratory tests were amazing, and field trials are nearly done.”

I couldn’t help glancing at the top of his head. “You tested it on yourself?”

 “You guessed!  What do you think?”

“Great hair.”

“We call it Crinesil,” he said, fiddling with the iPad.

Unable to resist showing off my classical education, I said, “Very clever. Crines is Latin for hair.”

He seemed duly impressed with my learning, and beamed proudly as he switched on the iPad. “Here’s a rough cut for our first TV commercial. We’re going to air it on cable channels. Tell me how you like it.”

I watched the screen.

A beautiful woman is jogging up the beach in slow motion. A guy with great hair jogs toward her. The camera cuts back and forth between the two of them. They get closer and closer. The music swells...Her hair billows in the sea breeze. So does his.

“A shameless rip-off from that movie in the 70s with Bo Derek,” I observed.

He didn’t answer but smiled to himself.

They stroll hand in hand on the beach. She hugs him from behind as they stand on a balcony overlooking the ocean. They laugh as they feed each other cotton candy on the boardwalk. They ride a ferris wheel with the night wind ruffling their hair. They frolic in the surf, and as he rises from the water he shakes his head like a dog coming in out of the rain. They dance in the moonlight. 

As the scenes unfold, the narrator speaks rapidly without emotion.

“If you suffer from male-pattern baldness syndrome, ask your doctor if Crinesil is right for you. Under certain conditions, Crinesil can restore your natural hair growth. Common side effects include nausea, migraine headaches, diarrhea, sinusitis, swollen gums, bunions, gallstones, blurred vision and hearing loss. Crinesil should not be taken by children under six. Extended use of Crinesil may contribute to high cholesterol, emphysema, loss of bladder control, blisters under the armpits, swelling of the liver, psychotic episodes, severe nasal congestion, abdominal cramps, kidney dysfunction, heart disease, internal bleeding and gangrenous lesions, resulting in amputation or death. Do not operate heavy machinery when takingCrinesil. If you experience sudden memory loss or thoughts of suicide, stop taking Crinesil and contact your doctor. Men with enlarged prostates should not take Crinesil.”

The narrator’s voice suddenly grows more cheerful as the camera zooms in for a closeup of the dancing couple, their radiant faces bathed by moonbeams. She rubs the top of his head playfully. They smile knowingly.

“If you or a loved one suffers from male pattern balding, ask your doctor about Crinesil. Cure combover forever with Crinesil. To learn more visit NoMoreCombover.com. Isn’t it time for you to try Crenesil?”

He flipped the iPad closed, leaned back, took a big swig of his beer, grinned broadly and waited for me to say something.

“Nice work,” I said.

“I knew you’d love it. The visuals came from the marketing department, and the voice-over came from the legal department.”

Before I could comment, my flight was called. I quickly drained my beer, stood up, shook his hand and gathered my belongings.

“I’m glad you like it,” he said.

“I’ll watch for it on TV.”

As I left the lounge, I turned and briefly looked back at him. He was sitting and smiling silently into his beer glass, unconsciously stroking the iPad with his fingers.

As I hastened away toward my gate, I had a gnawing sense that there was something I had wanted to ask him, but I couldn’t remember.

It came to me after I boarded my flight, but it was too late. I pulled his business card from my shirt pocket. Maybe I could call him later and ask him the question that has troubled me all these many years.

What, exactly, is a volumizing shampoo?

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. To my knowledge, Dr. Pompadour does not exist. The only part I did not make up was the script for the TV spot. It’s a composite of other medical product commercials I’ve seen on TV recently. 

By Valerie Myers 

While waiting for a connecting flight at Dulles International Airport recently, I was approached by a representative of The Nielsen Company. She asked if I would be interested in receiving a free gift card in exchange for completing a simple online survey. Sure! The friendly young woman handed me a bright yellow card with the link to the survey website (which I needed to complete within 48 hours), thanked me for my time and walked away.

The Nielsen Company. I hadn’t heard much about that entity in quite some time. I recall years ago, hearing mentions of the company that monitored the television viewing habits of “typical” American families and compiled the results to produce television show ratings. Each week’s top 10 most viewed shows, as dictated by the randomly selected Nielsen sample families, were listed in TV Guide magazine, a staple publication in my childhood home.

I’ve since found out that The Nielsen Company does much more than that. Over the last 50+ years, Nielsen has been collecting and reporting on consumer purchasing and media information and is viewed by many in the industry as the standard for global market research innovation. With a presence in approximately 100 countries, Nielsen not only tracks television viewing, but also measures consumer usage across the retail, online, mobile and radio platforms. The research is used to create reports put out by Nielsen for industry and public consumption. Additionally, other companies hire Nielsen to perform customized surveys and measurement analyses focused on their particular products and services.

The company also extensively practices and measures consumer neuroscience; the blend of neurological testing with traditional research, in order to determine a consumer’s non-conscious response to brands, products, packaging, in-store marketing, advertising, and entertainment content. Wow, talk about picking someone’s brain.

Of interest to many public relations and marketing practitioners may be Nielsen’s 2012 Social Media Report, which gives a highly detailed snapshot of just what is driving “our collective, global obsession with social media.” The comprehensive report gives useful insight into the how, where, and why we connect to social media, and makes for pretty interesting reading. Among the many social media factoids gleaned from the report, I learned:

• The use of mobile apps has increased 85 percent over 2011
  
  • Even with a four percent decrease in usage, Facebook remains the top social networking site
  • Forty percent of US tablet owners and 38 percent of smartphone owners use their devices daily to access social media while watching television
  • Nearly a third of people (32 percent) aged 18-24 use social networking in the bathroom (Eew…)

The report also contains a spotlight on Pinterest, the virtual pinboard-style photo sharing website which, after launching less than two years ago, has seen over 1,000% growth in visitors year-over-year (2011-2012). Here, one can find out the demographic makeup of just who is doing all that “pinning” and how.

Upon completion of the online Nielsen survey I participated in, I received a thank you email from the company’s Director of Research. That particular survey was not about social media, but had to do with the televised entertainment, news and sports programs shown on monitors throughout the airport. It’s what interested me in finding out more about The Nielsen Company.

Overall, the Nielsen report provides some compelling details on the ubiquitous tool that is social media and the consumers who use it. But why should any of this data on the evolution of social media mean anything to us in the industry? Because, as public relations and marketing practitioners, we’re often tasked with developing and delivering our clients’ brand messaging to consumers. We’re also responsible for implementing initiatives that result in the consumer purchase of the clients’ products and services. And as the Nielsen report states in its key take-away:

“The days when companies could tightly control brand messaging and progress consumers along a linear purchase funnel have long ended. Social media has fundamentally changed the consumer decision journey. Consumer decisions and behaviors are increasingly driven by the opinions, tastes and preferences of an exponentially larger, global pool of friends, peers and influencers.”

In the couple of decades since its emergence, it is clear social media has had a sound impact on the way we do what we do. Finding creative and results-driven ways to leverage these virtual communities which benefit our companies and the clients we serve, must be an integral component of the public relations and marketing plans we create.

Read the complete Nielsen 2012 Social Media Report.

By Jim Rhodes 

These comments were published in the February 2013 issue of the U.S. Naval Institute Proceedings, the professional journal for the naval sea services. As you may know, in my parallel life I served 36 years on various reserve and active duty assignments in the U.S. Navy, retiring as a Master Chief Petty Officer. I wrote this commentary as response to an article on the U.S. Navy’s Working Uniforms (NWUs). As you can see, it’s a subject about which I have strong opinions.

(See R. L. Crossland, p. 12, November 2012, A.T. Dunn, p. 8, December 2012, and G.L. Johnson, Jr., p. 85, January 2013 Proceedings).

Master Chief Petty Officer Jim Rhodes, U.S. Navy Reserve (Retired) – Until now, the debate over the blue-gray variegated “urban camouflage” working uniform has centered around its appearance and utility. It has been argued, convincingly in my opinion, that the purpose of camouflage is to mask the wearer by blending into the background, and  in virtually any ship combat scenario, camouflaging individual sailors with a variegated pattern serves no useful purpose. 

Now we learn that not only are the NWUs ugly and purposeless, they are unsafe as well. The Virginian Pilot (“Sailors’ uniforms are flammable. Navy: We know,” Jan. 9, 2013) reported, "The Navy’s standard-issue blue camouflage uniforms are highly flammable and will melt onto the skin when burning, a recent Navy test revealed."

That’s bad. It gets worse. 

A flag-rank U.S. Navy spokesman was quoted by the newspaper as saying, "We knew when we designed this uniform that it wasn’t flame-resistant." He went on to make the astonishing claim that most sailors do not need flame-resistant working uniforms. "Not every sailor aboard a ship on a daily, normal basis is at the same risk for fire."

On the contrary, fire is a very real and ever-present danger aboard a naval ship. That’s why we have constant daily fire drills at sea and in port.  All hands are exposed to the danger of fire, and not just designated damage control teams. When a fire erupts suddenly and violently aboard ship, there’s no time to rush back to your locker for a change of clothes. Often, the sailors in the space have to fight the fire on their own. Initial action is what saves ships and lives. It takes valuable time for damage control teams to muster at their repair locker, don their firefighting gear and work their way methodically to the scene.

In the 1970s I experienced a fire at sea, and I will never forget the sound of the alarm followed by, "This is not a drill…Fire, fire..." It was an ocean-going minesweeper. We were steaming underway under normal peacetime conditions. A crankcase exploded and the engine room burst into flames. The chief engineman courageously led the engine room watch in fighting and extinguishing the blaze in close quarters before it could spread. They saved the ship, which with its wooden hull would likely have burned to the waterline. Naturally, they were all wearing their regular work uniforms.  

This is not the first time the Navy leadership has indulged in ill-advised uniform experimentation. I was a petty officer third class in the 70s when the Navy abandoned the crackerjack dress blues in favor of a coat-and-tie uniform for all ranks. A few years later, we gave up cotton dungarees for dark blue shirts and black straight-leg trousers, which incidentally also proved to be flammable. I saw no tears shed when sailors happily returned to traditional dress and working uniforms.

It’s time for the leaders who make uniform decisions to do the right thing, and get rid of these unsafe and unwanted uniforms. We don’t need more studies and focus groups. Fix it now.

By Jim Rhodes

This story has propagated through the Internet, and I have seen it on a number of sites, but I have been unable to confirm its authenticity. Snopes is silent on the subject. Still, it’s a delightful story and might even be true:

No English dictionary has been able to adequately explain (mind you, as a grammatical purist, I would have been much happier with “to explain adequately,” but that’s just me) the difference between complete and finished. However, in a recent linguistic conference held in London, England, and attended by some of the best linguists in the world, Samsundar Balgobin, a Guyanese, was the clear winner.

His final challenge was this: Some say there is no difference between complete and finished. Please explain the difference between complete and finished in a way that is easy to understand.

Mr. Balgobin’s Response: "When you marry the right woman, you are complete. But, when you marry the wrong woman, you are finished. And when the right woman catches you with the wrong woman, you are completely finished!"

His answer was received with a standing ovation lasting over five minutes.

By Valerie Myers

As the parent of a college junior, I am acutely aware of the highly abbreviated style of writing that most of her generation has adopted when communicating via text and social media. LOL, OMG and BFF have become a distinct part of the millennial vernacular and will forever characterize that generation among others. And I’m ok with that.

As an English major, business and creative writer and all-around lover of words, I find I don’t have the same issues with these vocabular shortcuts that some other writers, and many of those within my age group, do. I’ve had many a conversation with friends who are also parents about how (they think) the use of these informal acronyms is destroying our children’s ability to effectively communicate.

Peter Shankman, founder of Help A Reporter Out, the largest free source repository for journalists in the world says, “Bad writing is killing America.” Shankman speaks to Mark Ragan, CEO and Publisher of corporate communications resource website ragan.com about the importance of good writing and how this new age of text-talk has impaired people’s ability to write well in this video clip. 
 

I personally feel that this edited style of conversing is just a different way to communicate, but should not be a replacement for complete and correct word usage.

When making plans to meet up with friends, letting them know you’re running “L8,” is fine. Or expressing agreement with a buddy by affirming, “IKR” (I know, right?), immediately lets him know you’re on the same page as he is. This abridged language is perfectly acceptable for chatting between friends but, there’s a time and place for everything.

When emailing your boss about your work schedule or an academic advisor about your degree program, for instance, no one should be LMAO at anything. One should be capable of traversing effortlessly between the casual text-talk and fully spelled-out words and complete, grammatically correct sentences.

I have been known to blatantly use “ur” instead of “your” and a few other choice semi-words when communicating via text. As long as one’s spoken and written voice doesn’t suffer due to overuse of text-talk or an inability to switch gears when in more professional settings and contexts, it’s all good, as far as I’m concerned. And I’d hope that as long as students continue to pay attention in their English and writing classes, where correct sentence structure and language development is still taught, all is not lost.

And apparently Mignon Fogarty, the expert behind the popular book and website, Grammar Girl's Quick and Dirty Tips for Better Writing, agrees. In fact, she goes further to say that there’s “nothing new” about the use of acronyms in every day conversation, and she feels this style of communicating is actually “enhancing people’s ability to write.”

Check out all of what Grammar Girl herself has to say about text-talk and the most common queries she gets about grammar in her conversation with ragan.com.

And for anyone interested, view an exhaustive (and I mean exhaustive) list of text messaging and chat abbreviations from Webopedia.

What’s your take on this subject? Does using acronyms help, hurt or has no palpable effect on traditionally effective written and spoken communications?

TTYL.

By Jim Rhodes 

Every now and then, I like to ask our friends on the other side of the editorial desk about their pet peeves when dealing with PR professionals. It helps keep us on our toes.

Most of their responses are predictable – PR people who insist on phoning when we’re up against press deadlines, press releases that have nothing to do with our publication’s readers, follow-up calls from PR interns asking, “Did you get our press release, and do you have any questions?” and then being unable to answer the questions asked. And so on.

Here’s a new one that’s starting to show up on the list: opening sentences in press releases describing the company as a “world leader” in its field or technology.

One of my friends in the press commented, “Let me decide for myself whether the company is a world leader or not. Just give me the facts, please.”

Another said, “I’ve gotten to the point that I just hit the ‘delete’ button whenever I see something like, ‘XYZ Company, the world leader in state-of-the-art widget technology, today announced…’ This drivel belongs, if anywhere, in the boilerplate paragraph describing the company at the foot of the text.”

My interest piqued. I did a little research and found these annoying “world-leader” descriptive phrases are becoming increasingly commonplace in press releases.

Here’s an example I recently ran across (edited for the sake of anonymity): “ABC Company, the global technology powerhouse and leader in world-class widget design, manufacturing and marketing to discriminating industrial customers in more than 50 countries, today announced…”

Sets my teeth on edge.

In the interest of full disclosure, I confess that our company has been guilty of this offense in the past.  But I’m taking immediate action to excise this usage from all our press releases, media advisories and pitch letters moving forward.

How about a refreshing dose of honesty? Wouldn’t it be fun to see an opening sentence like this?  “Widget Industries, Inc., which has delusions of grandeur thinking it is a world leader when it really is a small-time player not taken seriously by anyone in the industry, with obsolete product lines that haven’t been updated in decades and a decadent management team mired in yesterday’s technology, today announced…”  One can only dream.

(If this subject interests you, I would suggest you also read my earlier blogpost, “Delighted, Pleased and Happy.”)

By Jim Rhodes 

I hope that, like me, you are enjoying the peace and quiet now that the 2012 election is over. Isn’t it a relief to turn on a football game and see clever commercials flogging cars, smartphones, beer and auto insurance instead of politicians spouting vitriolic attacks against their competitors?

I saw an estimate in our local newspaper that if all the election commercials that aired on local TV stations in our region were put together into one long continuous stream it would take nearly 11 days to watch them.

Probably the only people who are not happy to see the election season behind us (aside presumably from the politicians who lost their election bids) are the television stations who pocketed huge bundles of cash in advertising revenues over the last six months. 

How much? The total amount spent on the 2012 election nationwide was over $6 billion, according to an article in The Economist. That’s right, billion with a “b.”

That’s more than twice the cost of sending the latest unmanned mission to Mars. For $6 billion, you could build a brand new nuclear aircraft carrier or sustain U.S. military operations in Afghanistan for a month. And just think how many meals $6 billion would buy for hungry children around the world.

In our own community of Hampton Roads, the The Virginian Pilot reports that the four local TV stations raked in over $21 million for more than 31,300 commercials. And that doesn’t include the nationally broadcast spots on networks and cable channels that aired here.

The other big winners are the politically connected advertising agencies who placed all those commercials. Local agencies collected more than $3.8 million in commissions, according to the newspaper.

The surge in election spending this year, of course, was the result of the Supreme Court Citizens United v. Federal Election Commission ruling that campaign spending by companies, unions and independent groups is a form of constitutionally protected free speech. This was the first presidential election since that ruling, and The Economist notes that spending by independent groups this year was three times higher than 2008.

Surely no sensible citizen can make a case that this amount of money flowing into electing officials to govern our nation, states and localities is a good and desirable thing. Money has the power to corrupt even the best-intentioned politicians, who will enter office deeply beholden to the companies, unions and other influence buyers who got them there. 

Already, the TV stations and ad agencies are licking their chops in happy expectation of another windfall year in 2014, when governors, senators and representatives stand for re-election. I’m certainly happy for them – they can use the money to offset their declining advertising revenues in a stagnant economy. But I can’t help but wonder if another round of saturation negative advertising will arouse sufficient outrage in the American public that even the serene lifetime-tenured justices on the bench of the Supreme Court might take notice.

By Jim Rhodes

November 6 is Election Day in the United States – our quadrennial opportunity to exercise our civic right to turf out one set of rascals and replace them with a new set of rascals, who are licking their chops and wounds, and merrily preparing to gorge themselves and their cronies at the public trough.

Finally, we will get relief from this onslaught of negativity and saturation bombardment of political invective funded by obscene amounts of money.

Disgusted by this public spectacle of negative campaigning, we yearn fondly for what we imagine was a calmer time, when discourse was civil and gentlemen standing for public office refrained from ad hominem attacks on their opponents.

Unfortunately, that rosy vision of the past is just not true. The fact is that American political contests have always been bare-knuckle, no-holds-barred affairs.

Even the sainted George Washington did not escape. During his second term, newspapers subsidized by Jefferson and his supporters published claims that the Old General was growing senile and dominated by sinister advisors taking advantage of his incapacity. In 1797, as he prepared to step down from the presidency, the newspaper Aurora described him as “a tyrannical monster,” and his Farewell Address as “the loathings of a sick mind.”

The same newspaper gloated, “This day ought to be a Jubilee in the United States…for the man who is the source of all the misfortunes of our country is this day reduced to a level with his fellow citizens.”

It got worse.

The election of 1828, according to the eminent historian Samuel Eliot Morison (one of my heroes), “was the first presidential one that really smelled” and “the most degrading presidential election the United States had ever seen.” The Jacksonian press accused the incumbent, John Quincy Adams, of blatant corruption, turning the White House into a gambling den and providing pimping services to the Emperor of Russia. The Adams’ press branded Jackson as a backwoods brawler and murderer, and gorged their readers with sordid details of his alleged premarital relations with Mrs. Jackson.

Some things, it seems, never change.

So like most Americans I will enter the voting booth, hold my nose and cast my ballot for the least offensive candidates. Then I’m looking forward to a little peace and quiet. At least for a short while. Already, of course, candidates and their handlers are busily raising unspeakable sums of money for the next election four years in the future. And so it goes.

My name is Jim Rhodes, and I approve this message.